Friday, March 26, 2010

feelingless.. moodless.

i'm feelingless.. moodless... to define that. i'm actually dont have any mood or feeling at the moment. i dunno what or how should i feel now.. I guess to define that. LOST is the better word, or maybe CONFUSED.

i dunno.. i remembered i posted something about 'i dunno' before it's about we will never know what we want and there's always thousands of thousands of 'i dunno'.. after so long i still feel the same.. I DUNNO... guess i'm not moving forward at all.... i just spinning at the same spot.. at the same location... i see ppl around me moving forward.. having some much change in life.. relationship.. work.. business.. but i still remain at the same point.. end of the day.. i will be a loser... a loser of LIFE.... time move on.. by right LIFE will follow together... or should i say.. TIME will carry LIFE foward.. but somehow.. my LIFE is stagnant, it never been carried forward by TIME dunno since when...

what kinda change in life that i need to help me trigger this moving forward spark..... sigh..

Saturday, March 20, 2010

First post in my new blog 27 onwards... 2010

this is the year of 2010, and i am 27 this year. i used to have few blogs before and reduced to only one which i just deleted and this is going to be my new blog.

i had lived my life for 27 years plus now, am i living every moment of it or the time just went pass me without even noticing. i'm guessing that im the latter. i feel meaningless and dead-like at the moment or maybe at this period of time ever since a few months back. "what am i doing? what i wanna do? is this what i want?" i keep asking myself these few questions and i just can't get any answer of it.

i wanna find myself of a goal, a direction that i can rely on and move forward. i'm not moving any where now.. i hate this feeling, the feeling of lost.

Just back from a small gathering with my fren PF and KP in Freestyle cafe at my hometown SB. Noticed that the topic we talk about is no longer study, no longer gf/bf but about how to run tax. KP has become a very successful businessman and PF is very good in her accounting firm. they were talking actually and i was there listening and dont really care or dont even know much about what they talked about. They all have their goals to achieve. i feel jealous and hopeless, jealous because i wish i know what i wanna do now and which where i wanna go, and i am hopeless because i really dunno how and where.

Been getting a lot of lectures and advices from my frens; Stephy, Rachel and few of my frens at work. but somehow i just can't make up my mind. and i'm still wondering... sigh.. 11.59pm